The build-up
At first, I didn’t realize what was happening. I felt unstoppable — full of energy, racing thoughts, and ideas that came faster than I could catch them. I wasn’t sleeping, I wasn’t eating, and I couldn’t sit still. To others, it might’ve looked like confidence or excitement. But inside, it was chaos.
Out of control
The deeper I fell into the manic spiral, the less in control I felt. My phone became my world — I was posting nonstop, talking quickly, thinking faster than I could speak. I said and did things I normally wouldn’t. I felt invincible one minute and completely lost the next. My family didn’t know what to do. Honestly, I didn’t either.
The crash
Eventually, everything caught up to me. The energy wore off, and what was left was confusion, exhaustion, and shame. I questioned everything: What did I say? Who did I hurt? How do I fix this? Coming down from a manic episode wasn’t just a physical crash — it was emotional too. And it left me feeling scared and exposed.
Understanding myself
Later, I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. That diagnosis helped me make sense of what happened — and it reminded me that what I went through wasn’t my fault. I’m still learning how to manage it, how to take care of myself, and how to heal. But that moment taught me a lot about who I am, what I need, and how strong I really am.
"You alone are enough. You have nothing to prove to anybody."
Maya Angelou